Growing up in a Baptist church, I was taught many things...mostly to do with spiritualism and what was required of me at all times...Not telling lies, treating others with respect, avoid stealing, obeying elders...All good ideas to live by, i will agree with that, but it is impossible to uphold all these things at all times, and being treated as if you could live up to these standards while you watch your elders not doing the same made it that more difficult. I saw a lot of backstabbing, hypocrisy, and lying within the fellow Christians, and the worst ones seemed to have the most power!
I never understood it, not then, not now...
So a few years ago I started to research quite a bit on other religions, trying to find something that made sense to me, and finally i came across Buddhism. It was like a veil was lifted off of me and i finally felt like something in the world makes sense. I UNDERSTAND i wanted to scream! but at the beginning of my research i felt guilty for just looking at another religions direction. That's when i realized i was pretty much brainwashed. I had went to a private Christian school and attended church 3 times a week until i turned 18. Then i didn't go to church at all except maybe about three times within the last 6 years. It has taken me two years to shake off the guilt and to move on, and i am still doing it. Its hard to just say OK I am not going to hell because i believe this, especially after being told you would certainly burn in hell if you didn't believe in Christ your entire life. Then a coworker showed me Alan Watts. We began listening to his dialog just about everyday for awhile, and i started listening to him at home. I feel better at the sound of his voice...I feel at ease, i don't feel the pressure of society telling me i need to be doing something else at this exact second, or the pressure of religion telling me i should be doing something else as well.... His words changed my outlook on things and continues to do so on a regular basis!
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